July 30 2021

 Over the past few days, I've been considering about myself what I view as my problems, which could better be classified as abnormalities.

I am a 21 year old man, who is according to all my personal experiences, significantly financially better off than my peers. Out of the 5 people I have openly discussed this with (ranging from age 19-25) only one had savings more than $1500, topping out at roughly $7000. I have 20k in my bank and roughly $5000 in investments.

I had to ask myself, why, when all indications say otherwise, do I feel financially instable? My answer has two prongs. First, I am working for someone else, meaning my income is determined by my continued employment with another person. People are generally untrustworthy and I tend to dislike them when giving more than a cursory inspection of them, thus this does not sit well with me. Second, I am comparing myself constantly to people who have retired and are able to choose when and where to work.

My next question was why do I compare myself to people who have retired? Well, that's because I have deep issues accepting orders from another person. It is not even that I can't, or I won't, I work for the military. I do that every day, instead it is because I deeply dislike it on some level. It leaves a sour taste in my mouth, like someone is taking away MY life and MY time.

I realized that this extends to my political views as well. I view nearly all government actions from the point of "is it reasonable for them to take/do X action?"

I have found that my answer is normally a hard no. There is no difference between the mafia and the government taking protection money in the form of property and income tax. The federal use authorization act was very nearly human experimentation, to the extent I refused to participate in it until it inconvenienced me. Some may view that as wrong, but I believe that one of the most effective forms of protest left to the common man is non-participation.

We cannot be ruled if we refuse to listen. At the end of the day, I suppose that is where the majority of my issues with myself and the world come from. I want something, I do it, I am told to something I already wish to do, my motivation is dead. I am in many ways still a child, no matter how much I wish I was better than this.

So how does one improve from here? Even though it has become a now expired joke, the words "Just do it" come to mind. So, that is my intention.