Posts

July 30 2021

Image
 Over the past few days, I've been considering about myself what I view as my problems, which could better be classified as abnormalities. I am a 21 year old man, who is according to all my personal experiences, significantly financially better off than my peers. Out of the 5 people I have openly discussed this with (ranging from age 19-25) only one had savings more than $1500, topping out at roughly $7000. I have 20k in my bank and roughly $5000 in investments. I had to ask myself, why, when all indications say otherwise, do I feel financially instable? My answer has two prongs. First, I am working for someone else, meaning my income is determined by my continued employment with another person. People are generally untrustworthy and I tend to dislike them when giving more than a cursory inspection of them, thus this does not sit well with me. Second, I am comparing myself constantly to people who have retired and are able to choose when and where to work. My next question was why ...
Image
        I have begun writing this blog for three reasons, I wish for it to serve as a public journal of my day to day activities, my (mostly) unfiltered thoughts, and to better clear the fog in my head. I have found when reflecting on my life so far, I am unsatisfied with my own actions and the direction of my life. I like to pretend that I am choosing "the most sure option" for my own employment and the care of my wife. The truth is that I am afraid of taking risks, I am afraid of leaving the military, and I am afraid of the unknown.     This to me is unacceptable. How dare I limit the potential of my life due to my own fear. I have found during the lockdown that I also have little to no physical drive for self improvement. I read stories to escape myself because I view myself as a weak man incapable of even a single feat that the men in the stories I read are capable of. I am a failure to myself.     What am I to do then? My answer is simpl...