I have begun writing this blog for three reasons, I wish for it to serve as a public journal of my day to day activities, my (mostly) unfiltered thoughts, and to better clear the fog in my head. I have found when reflecting on my life so far, I am unsatisfied with my own actions and the direction of my life. I like to pretend that I am choosing "the most sure option" for my own employment and the care of my wife. The truth is that I am afraid of taking risks, I am afraid of leaving the military, and I am afraid of the unknown.

    This to me is unacceptable. How dare I limit the potential of my life due to my own fear. I have found during the lockdown that I also have little to no physical drive for self improvement. I read stories to escape myself because I view myself as a weak man incapable of even a single feat that the men in the stories I read are capable of. I am a failure to myself.

    What am I to do then? My answer is simple, either the shame of my public daily failings with force growth, or perhaps another will look at my sad self and decide that I am worth surpassing if for no other reason than to be worse than me is to be a worm.